No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
