Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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