is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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