White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
