Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
