Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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