She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have already put on my inside pants.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
