did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My balls are so social today.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize