Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
