I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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