just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
