You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish i was in the wii world.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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