He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
