Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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