We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Girls should come with a carfax report
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
