Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
