one might say we're banned from that church
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
