Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
