using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
