Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize