Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
