Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
