The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
