no, he came in my armpit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
