I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize