Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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