Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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