she woke up with a sticky ear
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
