i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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