Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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