Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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