Need sex. Gaining weight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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