Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
