who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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