i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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