I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
