and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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