i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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