carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
