you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He better not be in your backpack
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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