i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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