you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
