he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
