What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You dont lie about slip and slides
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
