She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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