hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
