I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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