my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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