shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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