Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
