Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize