haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
