My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
