i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
