He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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