Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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