The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize