I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
