Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
