We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
