he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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