He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're a disaster
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