I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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