I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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